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Just three nights ago, I was in the middle of a dance floor surrounded by so many amazing, gorgeous men. I was dancing with my lover, kissing under the lights in what felt like the most incredible experience of my life. Around me, new friends were being made, new relationships were definitely being formed. It was a magical experience.
Of course, there were elements of this that perhaps are a little bit unusual – I was attending International Mr. Leather (IML) along with all the other participants. We had taken time away from the stressful world of LGBTIQ+ politics that is currently enveloping the USA & the world. Together at this event, we were free – free to express our love, free to express our kinks, free to express our authentic selves outside of the traditional norms of our home cities.
During experiences like this, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing in a wonderful, magical world that you'd want to live in forever.
The Science Behind the Magic
That kiss on the dance floor? That's a little surge of oxytocin – the hormone associated with love and feeling safe. The eye contact and flirting with the sexy man across the room? A little boost of dopamine, associated with the thrill of the chase and the excitement of connection. The hugs, the love, and the passion? A boost of serotonin, the hormone associated with happiness. Your heart pounding as you cheer for your local leatherman, hoping he'll claim the auspicious title of Mr. International Leather? That's a burst of adrenaline – the hormone of excitement and stress.
If you had endulged in any "enhancements", these too will impact the hormonal soup.
As you can imagine, all of these experiences together create a wonderful hormonal cocktail that makes us feel elated, special, connected, and centered in a way that's very different from the world we normally inhabit. This is exactly why we return to these events – they're magical spaces that help us feel connected, loved, and worthy.
When the Magic Ends: Understanding Event Drop
After leaving these events, all of that biochemical wonder gets withdrawn from our systems, dropping back to our day to day levels.
You may be aware that when people take medications like SSRIs (used to treat depression and anxiety), there can be a withdrawal syndrome when they are stopped. This is very common.
Even just exposure to 3-5 days of the joyous elation of events like IML can lead to a similar withdrawal from these wonderful hormonal highs.
You might feel sad. You might feel disconnected. You might feel a little anxious or irritable. Some may feel concerned about returning to a community where you can't hold hands or kiss in public. This stress of withdrawal from the safety of our safe spaces can be difficult to process.
Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but when you understand what's happening, it becomes much more manageable.
Getting Through the Drop: Practical Strategies
Each of these hormones will come back to balance, usually within 2-3 days. Here are some things you can do to help bring them back to their regular levels:
Get Quality Rest: Make sure you're getting good quality sleep. Some people find supplements like melatonin can help reset their body clock back to regular day-to-day life.
Eat Well: Focus on good quality proteins and long-acting carbohydrates. It might be best to avoid sugary foods and drinks, including caffeinated beverages, to allow your hormones to settle naturally.
Move Your Body: Physical movement can greatly help improve your feelings of happiness and well-being while also helping regulate hormones within your body.
Stay Connected: Reach out to friends and loved ones. Reconnect with friends you attended the event with – share photos, share stories. Connect with your partners, lovers, and friends in your local city and share the experiences you had so they too can understand what a magical event you experienced.
Each of these small acts of self-care can help you be kind and gentle with yourself as your hormones return to their regular levels after the excitement.
Health Considerations
Of course, at events where large groups gather together, illnesses can sometimes be passed between people. This is absolutely normal and common at all events where people congregate. Just as a heads up, there's currently a new strain of COVID (NB.1.81) that's passing through America and the world. If you're feeling unwell, it might be worth considering a COVID test just to be sure about your potential exposure. That said, common colds and flus are very normal too.
Where people are intimate and sexual, STIs can sometimes be transmitted as well. It's probably worth booking a checkup and make sure everything is in perfect shape. Don't forget that even with kissing, some STIs can be passed throat-to-throat, so don't skip that throat swab during your testing.
When to Seek Additional Support
If the event drop feels particularly hard, if you're feeling deeply disconnected, I urge you to please reach out and seek help. Whether that's a close friend, someone else who has been to events like IML and understands the drop, or if your mood is very low, you may benefit from spending some time in conversation with your primary care physician or local mental health services.
I urge you: reach out. Don't do this alone. Stay safe and stay connected with your community.
Bringing the Magic Home
Events like IML are incredibly important for our communities. They give us a sense of togetherness, camaraderie, and belonging. The amazing time we had can be replicated and brought to your own community – even something as simple as saying hello to somebody new at your local bar. If you don't have a local bar, perhaps try some other form of group activity that you enjoy, whether that's joining the local pickleball club, a crafty knitting circle, or even just bringing together some friends for board games.
It can be a bit of a bumpy ride the week after large events, but I want to promise you that this too will pass. Soon, the excitement for the next event you attend will return. Bring that energy and excitement back to the dance floor – I look forward to seeing you there, surrounded by amazing music and wonderful experiences.
Remember: you are loved, you are worthy, and you belong in this beautiful, exciting community of ours.
Stay safe, stay connected, and be gentle with yourselves.
Dr George is a LGBTIQ+ and kink positive doctor based in Melbourne & Sydney Australia.
He regularly attends and teaches at kink and fetish events around the world. You can contact him via his primary website: TheHealthyBear.com
